MicroWRONG:

Watching the two clips, Blackface Montage and Racist Cartoons, in class definitely challenged my ideas of this new “trend,” if that’s even the right word to use. While watching the videos in class, I was left with no words. I was straight up speechless. I couldn’t find an understanding reason as to why it was okay for white men and women to cover themselves in black paint acting as if they were African American. On the other hand, the Racist Cartoons video was something else. As a kid, we laughed at the things they did and how they looked. We laughed at the way those cartoons were mistreated. As kids, we didn’t know any better because the sociamedia made it seem acceptable, when in realty it isn’t. Comparing to what I knew then to what I know now, it is definitely crossing the line. Those things were definitely signs of microaggressions. Actually, a few days after Halloween, I was on Facebook just scrolling down my newsfeed and came across two disturbing photos. My newsfeed was filled with several costume photos. I follow NBC 7 San Diego, and they had  posted a picture of a group of four high school teachers, and three out of that four had their face painted black. It caught my attention because that same day, in class, we were shown by Professor Aronson pictures and videos of this Black Montage trend. I  decided to read through the comments because I wanted to know what people thought of this mishap. Surprisingly, people were mostly concerned with the fact that it was THEIR choice to dress like that. One comment read, “So now we will be punished for wearing costumes?! This is ridiculous! And don’t pull the ‘it offends some people card.’ There is a lot of stuff that offends people out there, the world doesn’t revolve around you. Move on!” Another commenter was angry with the fact that the fourth person who had joined the picture had their face blocked off, whereas the other three teachers had their full face showing. It took just seeing how recent this blackface montage was for me to realize how disturbing it is. Not too long ago after that first post, I saw another picture similar. Except one person was George Bush and the second person was Obama. Regardless of who you are and where you’re from, you should always be concerned about those around you. I can’t bare to understand how people can show themselves in public covering themselves in black. It’s nasty knowing that our people, our society is part of this montage.

My Untold Battles:

     The Bayan Learning Community had the opportunity to meet Dr. Judy Patacsil and watch the short film titled, Silent Sacrifices. This event was by far the most emotionally intense one so far. Dr. Patacsil brought many smiles and tears amongst the crowd. During the film, we learned about the high suicide rates amongst young Filipino/Filipina teens, emotional relationships with parents and their children, and the struggles each person in the video went through. The film itself was very powerful. I felt relatable to a lot of things the teens were going through with their parents and strong points they had brought up. 

     As far as communicating with my parents, I am weak. Majority of the time, I find myself not being able to build up the courage to talk with my parents or explain myself when I disagree with them. When I do, rarely, have the courage to explain myself when I disagree with them, I get lectured at. I felt that my parents would always find something negative to say, and turn it into something big. I gave up, and began keeping things I had to say to myself. Until this day, I keep everything I need to say to myself. I think that explains why people complain that I have a "wall" built around me. Sometimes, I can't help but keep that "wall" up regardless who anyone is to me because I am afraid of them having something negative to say. It's terrible having to hold everything in me. If you have a voice, you shouldn't be afraid to speak up. Keeping things to myself has caused me a lot of emotional stress.

     A second point that was brought up in the film was parents’ not saying “I love you” to their children. From what I remember, I don’t recall my parents ever saying those three words to me or my younger siblings. Although, some parents do show their love and affection towards their children through action, I think it’s important to hear it verbally to reassure a child. Lastly, a girl in the film mentioned how she was afraid of telling her parents how she hated school because she knew her parents struggled to get her where she is today. I can very much so relate to this, well, maybe not so much of the hate part. I often times feel discouraged. This is my third year at Southwestern College, and I have been off and on with majors. My parents are huge fans about school being a priority, and I understand that they only want the best for me. A lot of times, my parents pressure me into doing one thing and another. It overwhelms me, and they don’t understand that. There’s only one of me, and I can only do so much, I have been at my lowest when it comes to school. When I say lowest, I mean as low as quitting school to join the military and thoughts of suicide. Last Fall semester, I actually went behind my parents’ back to see an Air Force recruiter.  I kept it a secret for about two weeks and told my parents. My parents were so angry at me, and told me it was the wrong move. It’s just so hard figuring out what the “right” move is when my parents put so much pressure on me rather than helping me get on the right path. I refuse to tell them about my suicidal thoughts. I mean, I have never told or mentioned it to anyone until now. I’m just so thankful that I didn’t attempt it, and that I am alive. 

     Just like the girl’s parents in the video, I know my parents worked hard to get me and my siblings where we are today. For me, it’s hard complaining to my parents, they have been through hell and back to get our family what we need. My dad was in the Army for 22 years, now works early mornings until night, and my mom works all day to set food on the table, keep us warm, and a roof over our heads. For me to complain about school is not even comparable. After the film, we had a discussion with Dr. Patacsil and a few people shared personal stories that brought tears to the crowd. We need to understand that everyone is going through their own personal battle. It was amazing how a film brought people together because of similar stories and experiences. 

Expectations NOT met:

     On October 5th of this year, I had the opportunity to attend one of San Diego’s biggest events, the FilAmFest’s ninth annual year. The FilAmFest is a Filipino American Arts and Culture festival that is held every year, on a single day in October. During this event, there are live performances, talents, local foods, numerous booths, and shared history. Since this event is held annually, each year has a different theme. Along with the different themes, you are able to spot differences in the event that have may or may have not changed from previous years. 

     I first attended the FilAmFest back in 2011. Therefore, my expectations for the FilAm fest this past October were set pretty high. When I arrived to the fest, I was quite disappointed compared to the previous two years I had attended. First off, there weren’t as many people as I thought would have attended. The first year I attended, it was pretty crowded. Crowded to the point where I did not want to walk around anymore because people kept bumping into me. I would like to think it wasn’t as crowded this year because I went late, which was around 3PM. 

     Not only did the crowd of people disappoint me, but the booths didn’t seem very interested in being there. At least, they could have had people stand outside their booths to invite people to check them out. To me, I felt like they were just there to fill up space. That sounds a bit harsh, but it’s true. 

     The food also disappointed me. Since it was a Filipino American fest, I would have thought there was going to be a variety of food. Food is such a big thing to the Filipino culture, and not having much choices there wasn’t a good look. Food plays a huge role in the Filipino culture. It disappointed me that I did not have much to choose from. It would have been nice if they had more Filipino food choices there instead of L&L and Mexican food, not that I have anything against them. 

     One thing that the fair organizers could have done better was to put the theme to better use. The theme for the fest was the Unsung heroes. I didn’t feel the theme of the fest, nor did I see it. They could have had posters or pictures out in the entrance to catch more attention or to grab the theme more firmly. 

My life plan

My dream: One day, I wish and hope to travel the world. I want to see what the world has to offer me.  I dream of finding the right career for myself that will involve traveling or being in different parts of the world.

My life role: I am a full-time college student.


My long-term goals in this role:

• Earn my associates degree in Travel and Tourism.
• Transfer to a 4 year univeristy.
• Earn a bachelors degree in Travel and Tourism.
• Find a career suitable for myself and degree.

My short-term goals in this role:

• Recieve passing grades in all classes
• Do more research in Travel and Tourism

What have I learned being in the Bayan Learning Community?: While being in the Bayan Learning Community I have learned many things. As far as my life plan and so on, I have learned that self-motivation plays a big role. With self-motivation, I can reach my goals and dreams. 

"Just because you fail once doesn't mean you're gonna fail at everything." - Marilyn Monroe

 

      The definition of failure is having lack of success. I strongly believe that no one is perfect, and that everyone is going to make a mistake at least once in their life. But that's ok because that's how we learn. Back in high school, I was only taught to study hard to make my parents proud. Academically, I was the "black sheep" of my family. Being the oldest of three, including myself, my parents expected more. My siblings were in elementary and middle school, so of course their work was easier than mine. That was something my parents didn't understand. When I moved from New York to Germany, I was behind in math because in New York I was in Pre Algebra my Freshmen year, and Germany didn't have that class. They moved me up to Algebra 1 thinking I was going to understand everything, but I had no idea what was going on. I sat in that class dumbfounded every lecture. They finally pulled me out of the class, and put me into Geometry. I started Algebra 1 my Junior year, and Algebra 2 my Senior year. Algebra 2 was by far my worse nightmare, and I had to retake it twice. The first time I failed, and the second time I had to give it my all or nothing to graduate.My graduation was on the line, and I was terrified. My counselor told me told me if I didn't pass, I wouldn't graduate.



      That following day, I told my parents about the situation. I cried my eyes out because I knewand felt deep inside that I failed them. I saw the disappointment in their eyes. When I failed Algebra 2 the first time, my heart broke. The second time, I had no choice but to take it online. My parents had to pay for every assignment and exam I had to do. By the end of the online course, I had to take a final exam.I failed the final terribly, the second time, a teacher allowed me to take one of theirs. Once again, I failed it. My parents were so disappointed in me, and that was the first time I ever felt like a failure. My world fell apart knowing I failed my parents. Another Algebra 2 teacher allowed me to take one of her finals. When I handed in the final exam, I cried and left the room. Luckily, there was no one there but me. My dad picked me up from the school asking how everything was. I remember holding in my tears because I felt that I didn't do my best. By the time we got home, my dad recieved an email from my school on his phone. We were so ecstatic to find out that I passed! When I walked arocss the stage on graduation day, I felt that all my hard work and tears were worth it. My biggest fear was not being able to graduate on time because that's all my parents wanted from me. It was so important for me to walk on the stage during graduation day because I was the oldest, and I wanted my parents to be proud. I went from being a failure to succeeding. My view on people who choose to fail are using it as an excuse to not do and give their best. There's always room for improvement in any given situation. Use that failing problem as a motivation to do and be better. Do not feel discouraged, just push yourself.



Work hard, play hard!

     College is no longer high school. By this, you may no longer flirt with your teacher to raise your grade, or even push back a due date on a project. In college, you have to work for the grade you want. Studying is an essential for every student in middle school, high school, and college. In college, you have to work hard for the grade you want, even if it take up majority of your time. Set up a weekly schedule for yourself. For example, write down when you have class, and when you have work. That way, you can determine when you're able to sit down and actually study. In between your classes, if you have an hour break, head to the library to get some work done. Better yet, instead of heading out on weekends, spend time indoor with some friends to get studying done. You don't want to overwhelm yourself with so much studying and homework. Every minute and every hour counts when you open up your notes or books.

Most meaningful retreat interview question:

     What did your parents teach you about being a member of your race / ethnicity?

     My parents mainly taught me to respect whoever was around me; whether they were older, younger, related to me or not, a different race / ethnicity, if they were a higher authority or not, and so on. My parents taught my siblings and I many ways to show respect. For example, when first entering someone's home we would remove our shoes outside or right by the front door before walking around the entire house. When entering the house, we say "hello" to everyone and give them a friendly hug. For the elders, we would mano (or bless) them. To do this, you would slightly bow infront of the elder(s), offer them your right hand, and say, "Mano po." They will reach out their hand into yours, and you would gently press it against your forehead. Another way my parents taught me to show respect towards others is by calling everyone Tita (Auntie), Tito (Uncle), Ate (Big Sister), or Kuya (Big brother) even if they aren't related to our family. We do this to show respect for those who are older and higher authority.

     This question was the most meaningful to me during the interview because I felt that my answer was the most significant out of the rest. I mean, I understand that everyone was raised differently. Some were taught respect and some weren't. Some individuals were taught respect, but did not carry on the ways. I believe respect is a huge thing to teach people, and the fact that my parents taught me at such a young age, and until now, makes me proud of who I am and where I come from.